Why Did I Get Involved With Pickup In The First Place?

In this segment of my talks about my involvement of the Pickup Community, I will talk about how I originally got into pickup and why.

From my understanding, pickup has been going on for a while.  It started out with Ross Jeffries, who developed a system based off of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) called Speed Seduction back in the 90's.  Then in the late 90's and early 2000's, we had Erik Von Markovik aka Mystery, who developed his own set of routines and seduction tactics based on years of trial and error in the field.  Back then, the Pickup Community was nothing more than just a handful of guys posting on some messageboard.  However, one of the guys who came about the Pickup Community was Neil Strauss, who back then was mainly known for his articles in Rolling Stone magazine and his autobiographies for Marilyn Manson and Jenna Jameson.  Neil Strauss got involved with the Pickup Community back in the early 2000's, which led to him writing the book The Game, the book that brought to light the entire Pickup Community and paved the way for the once small Pickup Community to develop into what would become the massive Pickup Industry, leading rise to many Pick-up Artists (PUAs) that peaked sometime between 2005 and 2009.

Despite all this, I had absolutely no knowledge of the Pickup Community until 2011, right after I graduated from grad school at the University of Central Florida (UCF).  No one I knew talked about it or even knew anything about it; it was one of those things that was very underground despite becoming mainstream - something very surprising considering that I was on a very large and very active campus.  I discovered pickup on accident.  It was February 2011, things in my life weren't going all that great, and that included my dating life.  I was online searching on OkCupid when all of the sudden I saw a link that said "Nice guys do finish last.  Click here to find out why!".  I was skeptical at first, but it did make me curious so I went to check it out.  The link led me to a video of a guy who went by the name David DeAngelo.  He talked about his ebook Double Your Dating and why you should get it.  I've bought books on dating beforehand, including a Dating For Dummies book, but what really stood out was he was the first guy to mention that he at one time sucked really bad with women but he was about to share how he got really good to the point where he was dating all the hottest women he could ever hope for.  That's what I wanted and that's what drew me in!  I went ahead and paid for the ebook.  I wanted to see if it really did go beyond common sense and traditional dating advice and tell me something I didn't already know.  Sure enough, it did.  Not only that, but it pointed out EXACTLY everything I was doing wrong, from being way too nice to being a pushover to being insecure and needy, etc.  The book kicked my ass, as I would say, and I couldn't wait to get more.  The rest is history.

Five years later, I know now not to trust such shoddy advice and marketing.  However, back then I was not only ignorant, but I was desperate and thus extremely vulnerable to anyone marketing pickup material to me.  I never questioned the validity of the guys marketing it; if I was drawn in by the marketing, that was enough to make me shout "SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!".  Why was this?  Well, not only did I never date in high school, but I never dated the entire time I was in college either.  There's two major reasons for this.  1) I wasn't the highly social type and was much more interested in other things, mainly academics and sports I was involved in, and 2) I had very unrealistic expectations.  There would be one or two girls that would come along every year that I would crush and obsess over, believing she's the one and I absolutely MUST get with this girl in order for my life to be complete or else I will be sad and desperate forever.  As I was obsessing over said girl, I thought that no other girl could compare.  I even went as far as fantasizing about said girl and creating stories about where the end goal would be to get with said girl.  Looking back now, I realize how utterly pathetic that was, but the truth is that was the norm and that was reality for me, and it went on for many years.  It very well could have continued on had I not discovered the Pickup Community, so I give it credit for helping me get past that.  After all, the last girl I obsessed over, I was stuck on for a year and a half only for it to amount to absolutely nothing.  Looking back, none of the girls I obsessed over, crushed over, even wrote fantasy stories about, would have been a good match for me.  This is despite thinking at the time they were absolutely perfect and it would be impossible to find another girl or a better girl.  This is especially true with the very last girl I was stuck on, who still lives at home with her parents and wants to live with her family in her small town forever.  No problem with that; but that doesn't support my goals and aspirations at all.

So why was I so vulnerable to shady marketing tactics?  Because everyone around me, be it family members, friends, and society as a whole, made it clear that nothing you do in life is more important than your relationship/dating/sex life.  If you don't have that together, then you are a LOSER even though you are successful in many other aspects.  Throughout my life, I have been judged and ridiculed for not having a girlfriend, not ever being in a long-term relationship, not having an active sex life, etc.  It was like there was something wrong with me because all my friends were in relationships, even if they weren't with the best girls.  My mom was one of the worst offenders.  So overall, I really craved the validation.  I was open to any crazy, manipulative tactic to get any girl I wanted just so I wouldn't feel like a loser and so people would shut up.  The part that made me REALLY desperate was the fact that I just realized that I was already 26 years old, meaning that my 30's was coming up and I was afraid that if I didn't make an effort to get this part of my life handled, it will be too late.  Nothing else mattered.  The problem was, other than get a good job, I pretty much put the rest of my life on hold and made it the most important thing ever, but unfortunately following pickup advice did nothing but backfire.  With that said though, pickup advice did help me get out of my comfort zone and got me into doing stuff I didn't think possible, and I am thankful for that.

Stay tuned as I will go more in depth with the PUA's I was heavily involved in.  I will start by going in more in depth with the first PUA I followed religiously, David DeAngelo.