How did this happen? How did this go down? Well let me start from the beginning:
I read the book The Game by Neil Strauss as well as Rules of the Game back in April 2013. I heard about both books a couple years prior but never got to reading either. When some friends of mine finally convinced me to check them out, I did so. I had already been deep into learning about mens dating advice for the past two years, but I had never been a part of the PUA community per say. I thought both books were very interesting, with The Game being the story of how Neil got into the community and became "the master seduction guru of the world" and Rules of the Game being a practical guide and the first instance of the Stylelife 30-Day Challenge, a set of exercises given to you each day for 30 days including crazy exercises like randomly cold calling people and getting three movie recommendations. I don't exactly remember how I came across the Stylelife community, but I think it involved doing an assignment or checking out a link provided by Rules of the Game, and then I started getting emails about how I should join Stylelife and that the game is always changing and they have this great training system in place. I never seen anything like it before and I enjoyed what I've read so far, so I decided to join with the basic membership, and that's how I got introduced to the Stylelife elite forums.
I never really intended to be much of a regular on the forums. I've had bad experiences with messageboards in the past dealing with issues like rogue/fascist moderators and flame wars, and it turned out the Stylelife messageboard was no exception, which I will get to in a minute. I started out doing the basic courses. I did have to pay about $89/month, but I thought it was unique to be doing daily assignments that got me out and about getting out of my comfort zone, and the assignments did help me do just that as ridiculous as some of them were. What I thought was really interesting however was there was a monthly coaching call that Neil Strauss himself holds, and students can buzz in and ask whatever questions they like. Being fresh off of reading The Game, I was ecstatic about this. I didn't know what my chances of getting on live were, but I was able to the first time.
Over the months, I continued to do the assignments and get on the calls as well as participate in the messageboard. I actually became the most active member there. Eventually, I signed up for the In-Field training. It cost about $2,000 (paid in four installments), but it seemed like a real bargain because it included a bunch of course material, a bootcamp, coaching calls, and free access to the conference in LA where you get to meet Neil Strauss in person. Again, all was well and I felt that I was on the right course.
The demise began however when I decided to meet up with one of the other guys on the forum who lived locally. At the time, he wasn't a big active member but he did write very thoroughly so I thought it would be great to meet up with him. That turned out to be a big mistake. Unfortunately for me, the guy turned out to be the world's biggest douche-assmonkey. Sure, he knew a lot and was very knowledgable, but he didn't want to get to know me and would never shut up. He also posed as an expert and said a bunch of shit that really pissed me off. Nevertheless, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He interacted with women very well. I gave him two more chances, even let him stay over night at my place, but within that short time period (within two months), I could tell he was out to do damage and I had to get rid of him immediately, so I blocked him from contact and stopped hanging out/interacting with him. I started to really hate the whole pickup routine/jargon language like "sarging", "DHVs", "IOIs", "kino escalation", "peacocking", etc. Nevertheless, I still decided to stick around. Maybe he was just a wannabe guru and would get schooled by the real experts. Not the case.
Here is the defining quote from The Game that Neil Strauss originally posted on a messageboard back before he wrote the book:
Have you ever noticed that there's something strange about a lot of guys in the Community?
It's as if just by looking at them, you can tell that something is missing. They don't seem entirely human.
Some of these guys even do well in the field. They get great reactions- sometimes even numbers and lays- but they never seem to have a girlfriend.
Are you one of these guys?
To find out, ask yourself the following questions:
- Do you panic if you run out of "material" during a conversation with a woman?
- Do you think that everything a woman says to that isn't 100 percent positive is a "shit test?"
- Do you see every other male who is interacting with a woman as an alpha male who must be destroyed?
- Are you unable to discuss a woman without first asking, "What's her rating?"
- Do you call women in your life who you are not sleeping with a "pivot" instead of friend, girl or woman?
- If you are around a woman in a non-social setting such as a business meeting or a nursing home, do you get a strange shot of adrenaline and feel obligated to sarge her?
- Have you stopped seeing value in things that are not pickup related, such as books, movies, friends, work, school, food and water?
- Is your self esteem constantly at the mercy of the reactions of women?
Most of the sargers I know are social robots. This is especially true among those who found the community in their teens or early twenties. Because they haven't had much real world experience, they have learned to socialize almost entirely through the rules and theories they've read online and learned in workshops. They may never be normal again. After a great twenty minute set with many of these social robots, a woman begins to realize that they don't have anything more going for them. And then they post online complaining that women are flakes.
The Internet newsgroups and the pickup lifestyle can give you so much- I know it's given me so much- but it can take away a lot too. You can end up becoming a one dimensional person. You start to think that everyone else around you is a social robot too and begin to read too much into his or her actions.
The solution is to remember that the best way to pick up women is to have something better to do than to pick up women. Some guys give up everything- school, work, even girlfriends- to learn the game. But all these things are what make one complete and enhances one's attractiveness to the opposite sex. So put your life back in balance. If you can make something of yourself, women will flock to you, and what you've learned here will prepare you to deal with them.-Style.
I couldn't agree more. This was the absolute best quote out of the entire damn book. But what happened? It's hard to believe that after reading The Game and seeing Neil as just a curious guy who never really wanted to be a major part of the PUA community has become the very thing he hated in my opinion. He stated originally he was against the commercialization and industrialization of the seduction community only for him to become the biggest advocate for it. Even Mystery, the guy who invented all of the crazy gimmicks, routines and jargon that became popular and was Neil's personal mentor, has evolved and has moved past all that (for the most part). Not Neil Strauss. Neil Strauss may be focusing more on stuff that actually makes sense, but he and his company Stylelife are still deadset on teaching guys things like canned openers, "DHVs", etc. essentially turning guys into social robots, and the field reports written on the Stylelife forum proves just this. I'll post an abridged version of a typical field report written on the site:
Hi everyone. I went out with my wingman to this bar in town. We saw a 3-set, which included an HB9 and two HB7s. I went up and used my cashmere sweater opener. After that, I bridged and executed the best friends test. I then threw in some DQ's and ran the ring finger routine and 5- questions game. I got a few IOI's but got stuck as to what to do next so I had to eject from that set...
I lose braincells reading these field reports, but I give my own advice, which states to not be a social robot, only to get countered by the coaches and the senior members.
Other than what goes on in the forums, I realized a lot of major problems with Stylelife itself that anyone who pays money to be a member (which I stopped shortly after I 'graduated') has the right to question. Here are just some of the things I was questioning:
1) How come Stylelife keeps recycling the same videos and printed material from 2008 and claiming that it's 'new material' in their monthly editions of Wingman Magazine and the monthly DVD's? Anyone who's new to Stylelife and watches the material would think that the coach named Bravo is a current and highly active Stylelife coach but would have to dig through the forums to find out he left the company years ago.
2) What's with all the bait and switch?
3) On the regular self-paced course, how come you can only do one assignment at a time and only be enrolled in a few courses at a time instead of having access to it all?
4) Why are many of the links to material, particularly on the In-Field training course, broken or unavailable?
5) What happened to all the coaches that used to be with the company? From my understanding, the only ones that are still there are Evolve and The Sneak. I think JGatz and Mojofist might be there, but they seem to only be involved with the company every now and then.
6) Why is Stylelife so adamant about students learning canned material when there are far better tried and tested alternatives out there?
7) Why is it that on bootcamps, the coaches just stand around and don't really approach the entire weekend?
8) Why are there less bootcamps this year than last year?
All this and more. I was already on bad terms with the coaches by standing up for Julian Blanc from RSD and by condemning canned material and the rigid and obsolete philosophies that Stylelife practices (e.g. instead of using the skills you already have to your advantage like dancing, you should memorize a whole bunch of bar cons). What got me banned however was taking a huge risk by pointing out all the flaws in the business and how these flaws are going to lead to the demise of Stylelife unless drastic changes are made. This lead to the coach The Sneak threatening to ban me for stepping out of line instead of doing what any responsible person who co-operates a business and take these things into consideration. Another long-time member agreed with me about the problems with Stylelife and eventually that got him banned as well. It really cements the fact that the ship that is Stylelife is sinking and I did the right thing by jumping overboard.
It really is a shame that things went down the way they did. I was able to attend both the bootcamp and conference last year and enjoyed both overall. I thought the coaches were pretty cool guys and I thought it was great to get to meet Neil Strauss in person. The company had a good thing going for it and had a unique training system, and I give Stylelife credit for pushing me to get out there in the field. I even gave a positive video testimonial at one point. I would say there's just very poor execution in place, and the people running the company now are running it into the ground. You don't need to be an insider or a business analyst to suspect that there's a lot of chaos going on behind closed doors and that's why we're seeing less bootcamps scheduled and why many of the former coaches are MIA. Maybe this year Neil Strauss and his coaches will realize what they need to do to save their business and make the necessary changes to be a successful and reputable company for improving the dating skills of men. If not, then chances are we won't be seeing Stylelife anymore in the next five years.
