This year I'm going to move beyond dancing. Even though dancing will play a huge role this year, things I thought were going to be gone and long forgotten are coming back. First, the relationships group that I used to attend when I first moved to Tampa, I'm going back to. Second, believe it or not, I'm going back to RSD.
I thought that I would never return to pickup after sucking at it so badly, but the truth is sucking at it so badly is a horrible reason to quit. In fact, I don't think I should have quit. I tried to go it alone and do my own thing and I thought that the advice given with RSD was really screwing with me and leading me into situations that I would have regretted, but the truth was I was doing really well when I was following RSD. I was getting out, I was having fun moments, etc. Now that I've abandoned pickup this past year, that all went out the window. I never go out to 'the scene' anymore and when I do I'm too stuck in my head to approach and I still fear rejection or humiliation. In other words, all I worked up for went out the window once I decided to go it alone and I need to work back up to it. I can't abandon it until I reach my goals, until it becomes a non issue and I really am focused on other things and not just trying to sweep my problems under the rug.
Two things I really need to get over - 1) Getting rejected and 2) Comparing myself to other guys. I think the latter really causes more problems than the former. While rejection feels bad, at least I can blow it off in certain circumstances. Comparing myself to other guys on the other hand is a much bigger issue and I think that's what's really causing all the depression.
This week is going to be an exciting week.
Sunday, January 8, 2017
Saturday, January 7, 2017
This Week In Dating - 1/7/17
Happy 2017, and welcome to a new series I am starting. I plan to make this a year-long thing because I feel as long as I write about what's going on during the week, I can see trends and continue to work on myself.
So I'm just going to come out and say it - I SUCK at dating. Like worse than anything else and worse than anyone. Why? Who knows. It's really distressing. It's even more distressing how I have people saying "you're such a nice guy you'll find someone soon", knowing they're full of it in that women don't like 'nice guys' even though they say they do. It is really frustrating to say the least. I mean, I'm told i'm a good looking guy, being 6'3 and in shape, have a good career, know how to dance, am independent, etc. Apparently it's not enough.
What really sucks is every time I think I have a system down, the rug is pulled right from underneath me. So now Blue Martini is closing down, or at least moving. Whether there will still be a latin dance night is up in the air.
But this year I really want to get better. This year I want to put this problem behind me once and for all. I keep saying that, but it still stands. Last year was one of the worst years not just in dating but just socializing in general. I went through a huge friends purge, mainly because of the election, and I think I made a couple new friends but not many. Nevertheless, I'm coming off of last year prepared for this year to make things great again.
So I'm going into this year subscribed to a matchmaking service in town. I signed up for the basic service for $99 for the year. I tell them my preferences and all that stuff. However, I wouldn't be surprised if I don't get a call because they work primarily with people who pay for the $4,000/year membership and the $10,000/year membership. Why are dating services so expensive? Are they just so much in demand? I mean, that's money that people just don't have lying around, me especially. If I had the money, would I pay for it? I guess I have no choice. Online dating hasn't been a huge help and I never get any good, proper feedback, which is so important.
In the meantime, I'm signing up for every speed dating and lock 'n key event for my age range. The first lock 'n key I went to this year, this past week, was pretty much a let down. I wasn't into any of the girls there. I think I only selected one girl because she was at least somewhat attractive and I seemed to get along with her but still not totally my type. The irony is the only girls out of the seven who selected me were the one who was most critical about me and my dating skills and the friend she brought along. Did I do something right, or did she just select every guy there? Or maybe she knew if no one selected me that I would have gotten a free event and she didn't want that to happen? Nah, that would have been too clever. Whatever the reason was, I wasn't interested in either so I'm not going to contact them back. Nevertheless, I need to keep going to these events, even if it takes me to the end of the year.
I can talk about dancing too, something I'm going to be doing more and more of this year including private lessons, which I'm really looking forward to. I feel the dance floor is my place to shine, but a lot of times it can be difficult when the girls are either not attractive or the girls that are attractive are already in serious relationships or are just not compatable, but I think that's going to be the case no matter where I go or what I do. That's why I really hate it and beat myself up when that rare occurrence comes up of me dancing with a girl who I have a feeling is into me but I'm afraid to get rejected or get embarrassed or whatever, even though the scenarios that always pop into my head are very unlikely to happen. But nevertheless, I'm looking forward to tonight's bachata social.
Until next week.
So I'm just going to come out and say it - I SUCK at dating. Like worse than anything else and worse than anyone. Why? Who knows. It's really distressing. It's even more distressing how I have people saying "you're such a nice guy you'll find someone soon", knowing they're full of it in that women don't like 'nice guys' even though they say they do. It is really frustrating to say the least. I mean, I'm told i'm a good looking guy, being 6'3 and in shape, have a good career, know how to dance, am independent, etc. Apparently it's not enough.
What really sucks is every time I think I have a system down, the rug is pulled right from underneath me. So now Blue Martini is closing down, or at least moving. Whether there will still be a latin dance night is up in the air.
But this year I really want to get better. This year I want to put this problem behind me once and for all. I keep saying that, but it still stands. Last year was one of the worst years not just in dating but just socializing in general. I went through a huge friends purge, mainly because of the election, and I think I made a couple new friends but not many. Nevertheless, I'm coming off of last year prepared for this year to make things great again.
So I'm going into this year subscribed to a matchmaking service in town. I signed up for the basic service for $99 for the year. I tell them my preferences and all that stuff. However, I wouldn't be surprised if I don't get a call because they work primarily with people who pay for the $4,000/year membership and the $10,000/year membership. Why are dating services so expensive? Are they just so much in demand? I mean, that's money that people just don't have lying around, me especially. If I had the money, would I pay for it? I guess I have no choice. Online dating hasn't been a huge help and I never get any good, proper feedback, which is so important.
In the meantime, I'm signing up for every speed dating and lock 'n key event for my age range. The first lock 'n key I went to this year, this past week, was pretty much a let down. I wasn't into any of the girls there. I think I only selected one girl because she was at least somewhat attractive and I seemed to get along with her but still not totally my type. The irony is the only girls out of the seven who selected me were the one who was most critical about me and my dating skills and the friend she brought along. Did I do something right, or did she just select every guy there? Or maybe she knew if no one selected me that I would have gotten a free event and she didn't want that to happen? Nah, that would have been too clever. Whatever the reason was, I wasn't interested in either so I'm not going to contact them back. Nevertheless, I need to keep going to these events, even if it takes me to the end of the year.
I can talk about dancing too, something I'm going to be doing more and more of this year including private lessons, which I'm really looking forward to. I feel the dance floor is my place to shine, but a lot of times it can be difficult when the girls are either not attractive or the girls that are attractive are already in serious relationships or are just not compatable, but I think that's going to be the case no matter where I go or what I do. That's why I really hate it and beat myself up when that rare occurrence comes up of me dancing with a girl who I have a feeling is into me but I'm afraid to get rejected or get embarrassed or whatever, even though the scenarios that always pop into my head are very unlikely to happen. But nevertheless, I'm looking forward to tonight's bachata social.
Until next week.
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