Reconstruction Starts Now

This year I'm going to move beyond dancing.  Even though dancing will play a huge role this year, things I thought were going to be gone and long forgotten are coming back.  First, the relationships group that I used to attend when I first moved to Tampa, I'm going back to.  Second, believe it or not, I'm going back to RSD.

I thought that I would never return to pickup after sucking at it so badly, but the truth is sucking at it so badly is a horrible reason to quit.  In fact, I don't think I should have quit.  I tried to go it alone and do my own thing and I thought that the advice given with RSD was really screwing with me and leading me into situations that I would have regretted, but the truth was I was doing really well when I was following RSD.  I was getting out, I was having fun moments, etc.  Now that I've abandoned pickup this past year, that all went out the window.  I never go out to 'the scene' anymore and when I do I'm too stuck in my head to approach and I still fear rejection or humiliation.  In other words, all I worked up for went out the window once I decided to go it alone and I need to work back up to it.  I can't abandon it until I reach my goals, until it becomes a non issue and I really am focused on other things and not just trying to sweep my problems under the rug.

Two things I really need to get over - 1) Getting rejected and 2) Comparing myself to other guys.  I think the latter really causes more problems than the former.  While rejection feels bad, at least I can blow it off in certain circumstances.  Comparing myself to other guys on the other hand is a much bigger issue and I think that's what's really causing all the depression.

This week is going to be an exciting week.